2. Further Adventures Of Captain Pearson
Capt. Pearson and Capt. Cracker had dodged the gorillas for the time being and had got a small place in Chapeltown, Pudsey. They still had Capt. Cracker’s parrot, Joey, with them. One Monday morning, Capt. Pearson suggested they go out for a stroll after breakfast. He turned the gas ring on but realized they had no matches, so they went to the shop.
A short time later, a man passing their house paused to light his pipe. There was a terrific bang, and the man was thrown from Chapeltown into Lowtown by the blast. He muttered he must change his deadly tobacco.
The two Captains returned and found the gas oven in the middle of Chapeltown, surrounded by the Fire Brigade and a large crowd. Capt. Pearson decided they must have been struck by lightning, and that “breakfast buggered for a start”. They had to buy a new gas oven, spending all their money to put the house back into shape. ‘We’ve got the bloody oven but nowt to eat,’ said Capt. Pearson, eyeing the parrot. The parrot, moving nervously, warned him, “Don’t even think about it, you cruel old sod”.
Capt. Cracker suggested they become window cleaners. Since they had no ladders, he suggested they clean the downstairs windows, and the parrot could take a wash leather and fly back and forth doing the upstairs ones. The parrot, shocked, told them to “Piss off” and suggested the gorillas, who were good climbers, could have done the whole street in no time. The Captains loved this “brilliant idea”. Joey thought it saved him from ending up like “Kentucky Fried Chicken”.
The gorillas were very close, and Joey saw them approaching Chapeltown. He shouted, “Captains, they’re here,” to avoid working. The Captains sprang up and greeted the gorillas cordially, which surprised the gorillas. Capt. Pearson invited them in, then offered them plenty of bananas every day if they would clean windows, as they could climb the houses easily. The gorillas agreed.
The Captain pawned his pocket watch to get washleathers and acquired overalls and caps from washing lines. The gorillas started work early to avoid curious stares, and the money rolled in. But Capt. Pearson became stingy with the bananas, buying less and less. The gorillas agreed they had had enough.
One morning, they swarmed up bedroom windows, tapped on the glass, and snarled horribly at the faces that peered out. Occupants yelled, calling Police, Ambulance, Fire Brigade, and even their Members of Parliament. The news spread that evil villains, ugly as Mr. Hyde, were around. The gorillas vanished.
Capt. Pearson was frantic, accusing the gorillas of ruining the business. The Authorities eventually sorted out the mess, and the two Captains were arrested for criminal damage due to the confusion and car crashes they caused. Before the Magistrates, they pleaded innocence, but the parrot shouted, “Guilty on every count”!!. The Magistrate sentenced them to six months.
The parrot laughed like mad, saying it served them right for thinking of turning him into “Chicken Kiev”. The gorillas grinned when they heard the news. The Captains and the parrot went to the cells. Joey complained that he expected a reward and was put in with “two sodding maniacs”. Capt. Pearson, with a murderous gleam, shouted he would get the “bloody feathered freak” yet.